The Time I Went Shopping With The Karate Kid

The year was 2015. The place was AwesomeCon in Washington DC. My girlfriend at the time had signed us up as volunteers for the convention. We were part of a group called affectionally by the Con as: the Brute Squad. However, I was somehow promoted to Brute Squad Elite. This meant I worked all four days of the convention from open to close. And I just happened to be put in charge of the celebrity signing and photo-op section.

There were a good smattering of celebs at the event. Including Sean Astin, William Shatner, George Takei, John Ryhs-Davies, Alex Kingston, Arthur Darvill, James Marsters, Casper Van-Dien, Michael Biehn, Jim Cummings, Jason Mewes and Dina Meyer. I had frequent interactions with most of them besides Shatner, whom brought his own iron curtain of security so the peons couldn't get close enough to breathe upon him.

My very favorite interaction came about in the strangest of ways. It was Sunday, the last day of the Con, when Ralph Macchio (Daniel from The Karate Kid franchise) appeared out of thin air and graced Con attendees with his presence. Its important to know that he had previously cancelled because he was shooting a film, but took time out to make an appearance.

Around 1PM, his assistant comes up to me and begins to tell me a tale. Apparently, Mr. Macchio had promised his children presents and since he was already at a Con, decided to purchase items from vendors on-site rather than some shitty DC gift shop. So, Mr. Assistant asks me if one of my people can be spared so they could escort Mr. Macchio around the convention room floor.

I thought about this for one second before I realized what I was destined to do. Here is a brief synopsis of the conversation between myself and Ralph Macchio's assistant:

Assistant: So, do you have someone in mind?

Me: Yes I do.

Assistant: Great! Go get them and send them over to Mr. Macchio's booth.

Me: Oh, I'm doing this myself.

Assistant: Smart man!

I follow the assistant over to Mr. Macchio's booth, where the man himself is standing up (because fuck chairs) and enjoying a Pellegrino. The assistant introduces us and Mr. Macchio walks around to the front of the booth to shake my hand.

Ralph Macchio: So, you know the floor pretty well?

Me: Like the back of my hand sir.

Ralph Macchio: Sir? Were you military?

Me: Marines. Ralph Macchio: Fantastic! Lead the way.

We set off on our adventure deep into the bowels of the DC Convention Center. It was Myself, Ralph Macchio and his personal security guard. I don't remember all that we talked about, but our journey to the first vendor went off without a hitch. No crowd, no muss, no fuss. Mr. Macchio shops around, grabbing T-shirts and other things for about 15 minutes. He asks my opinion on several "nerd" things and all is smooth.

It's also worth noting that nobody would let him pay for anything. They all just wanted photographs and autographs. Which is fine, but in the mean time we were garnering a lot of unwanted attention. Mr. Macchio refused to not pay, so he had either me or his security guard give the vendor money after the fact.

Around the 20 minute mark I notice a few things. People doubling back around us. Groups of people increasing as they realize who is shopping amongst them. This trend continues for about ten minutes until we hit a boiling point.

We'd been on the floor for 30 minutes when the crowd became a mob. All social graces that existed a few seconds ago were gone. People were coming after him. We all had seemingly underestimated how famous this dude was in the nerd set. After about a minute of this, Mr. Macchio decides its time to go. And, somehow, I was the one leading us back to home base.

Ralph Macchio grabs onto my shoulders as we spear into the mass of bodies. The security guard covered the rear. What followed was the scene from The Neverending Story, where Atreyu rides Falcor to safety. I'm serious, we were that close. Against all odds, I manage to create a hole. Mr. Macchio is right behind me as we weave through the pulsing crowd.

It took us about 15 minutes to weave through the swarm. But, we finally made it back. Mr. Macchio shook my hand, signed my badged (without me asking him too), and thanked me for getting him back to home base in one piece. I managed to keep my cool without squealing like the fanboy I am. That in itself was a small victory on top of an amazing experience.